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Second Draft:
Saber Dance



Saber dance is one of the traditional dance from Central Kalimantan. In Dayak language, saber dance called “Tari Mandau”. While doing saber dance we should use property from traditional weapons Dayak. For example, Mandau and Talawang. Besides, saber dance accompanied by the strains of a melodious voice and stomping of Dayak traditional musical instruments. For example, Gandang and Gerantung. Futhermore, saber dance is familiar dance for people in Palangka Raya, because often graced the stage in custom events. For example, welcoming ceremony, cultural festivals and others. Moreover, saber dance is not only popular in Palangka Raya or Indonesia. Saber dance has gone International. Saber dance often performed at the International cultural festival to represent the traditional ethnic culture of Indonesia. In conclusion, saber dance is a dance that included traditional weapons and traditional musical instruments in Central Kalimantan into one whole dance area.



·         Tari Mandau              : one of the traditional dance from Central Kalimantan.
·         Weapon                     : something, example a gun, bomb or sword, used in fighting.
·         Mandau                     : a traditional weapon Dayak shaped chopping knife.
·         Talawang                   : a traditional weapon Dayak shaped shield.
·         Accompanied             : play music to support a singer or another instrument.
·         Strains                         : pressure on sb/sth because they have too much to do or deal.
·         Gandang                    : a musical instrument made of wood, while the vibrating membrane of Gandang made from animal skins.
·         Garantung                  : a musical instrument made of metal, resembling the Gamelan music of Java.

Komentar

  1. Unknown7 Januari 2016 pukul 07.06

    In My Opinion:
    1.
    - The topic sentence, Supporting sentence, and concluding sentence are Clearly. They presented clearly and support each other.
    - For the topic and controlling ideas, i thought that a good topic, it can mentioning the topic of the paragraph and you indicated it correctly. I can found the topic easily.For your controlling ideas clearly stated in your paragraph and you make it is restricting the topic to be the specific
    2. For the Supporting sentence, they are sufficiently stated.
    it can supporting the topic sentence very well and you gave some examples in it.
    3. For the concluding sentence, you make the concluding correctly presented in your paragraph. the concluding sentence can summarizing the main points/subtopics or restating the topic sentence very well.
    4. You used the transitional signals very well and they are sufficiently presented in your paragraph.

    I thought that a good paragraph and you should not change it.

    BalasHapus
  2. Unknown7 Januari 2016 pukul 18.55

    1.The topic sentence is clearly. I think your topic sentence going very well. There is topic and controlling idea.
    2.The supporting sentence is going very well. There are giving example at the each of supporting sentence, in supporting sentence at sentence “ moreover ……”there is no giving example you should giving example like my opinion is “for example,Saber dance has gone International” .
    3.Concluding sentence is good enough. The topic sentence already summarizing main point In different sentence.
    4.The paragraph is good enough coherence, you already use it. But in second sentence you can use transition signals in my suggestion like “therefor, in Dayak language, saber dance called “Tari Mandau” thank you. If I have been mistake, forgive me Mei.

    BalasHapus
  3. Anonim7 Januari 2016 pukul 21.12

    1. topic sentence : nothing interest for red you just tell about the dance is traditional dance, in the topic sentence you must tell obaut what something special about th traditional dance. for the controlling idea you must more explore about that.
    2. supporting detail : there is no meaning full of the dance. you must give the reason why the dance is verry popular.
    3. concluding sentence : igive your argument please and moral messege or another something.
    4. it is not clear and dont use bold words in some word if you want just give order signal and make the word oblique.

    BalasHapus

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